Love's Hope
by Kat Monroe
Summary: Ranma is losing hope of ever being able to have a way out of the mess he's in and be happy. He starts to only see one way out and the more depressed he gets, the more it seems like what he should do. [I may rewrite this sometime in the future.]
1. Chapter 1

Ranma sits against the dojo wall out of sight in the back. He sighs dejectedly. A feeling of hopelessness had begun to settle upon Ranma these last few days. Heck, it probably started earlier then that. So here he sat with his knees bent to his chest, arms wrapped around them, head down. Even after the failed wedding the fiancées continued on acting like it was nothing. It was disastrous and here they go on acting like before! Even those who were there when… He didn't even want to think about that time in China, didn't ever want to go back there either, not even for a cure. The others though, those that were there, they should have been able to figure out who he really cared for and yet they go on still. What was the point? They'd never get it. They'd never get him either, he'd die first.

His mind briefly flashed on where he kept his tanto. He shook his head fiercely. No, that was the coward's way out… wasn't it? He shook his head again and started to stand. He thought he heard someone mention his name. He leapt up to the roof, over to the house, and through his window. He descended the stairs, steeling his emotions.

"Ranma? Where were you?" Akane asked with some hostility.

"What do you care, tomboy?" he responded with very little force behind it.

"Ranma?" Akane asked suddenly slightly worried, not that she'd admit it.

Ranma ignored her and continued out to sit by the koi pond until lunch. Genma eyed his son speculatingly before shrugging and going back to the ever-present game between Soun and him. Kasumi glanced out the kitchen window with a slight frown. Nabiki appeared from somewhere and sat at the table chewing on a piece of pocky it seemed while reading a manga absently. Akane kept staring at Ranma, confusion and worry waging war for dominance within her.

At dinner Ranma simply ate whatever his father didn't steal. Genma seemed slightly worried and responded the only way he knew how. He taunted the boy.

"What's the matter boy? Getting soft? Do have to teach you a lesson?" he grumbled really hoping not to get a beating today but hoping it might help his son.

Ranma simply sighed and excused himself under his breath standing up to leave. Akane was at her wits and sighed exasperatedly.

"What is wrong with you lately Ranma?" she asked hotly.

"Keh." Ranma let out ignoring her seemingly. Really he was biting his tongue so as not to snap at her.

Nabiki raised a brow at this but said nothing. She didn't really know what was bothering him either. She figured it might be Akane, perhaps the way she treats him is getting to him or something. She made a note to talk to Akane sometime after dinner.

Kasumi looked exceptionally worried, for Kasumi that is, as she looked after Ranma's retreating form. Something inside of her left her unsettled about his recent behavior. She excused herself to look through some of her books that she borrowed from Tofu. Maybe there'd be something in there to help.

Soun and Genma looked after the boys retreating form with some concern as well. There was something that didn't sit well with them. They looked at each other as guilt threatened to overtake them. Soun immediately became firm, refusing to believe he did any wrong and promptly turned onto his daughter.

"Akane, did you do something to upset Ranma? You should really act better around him. How do you think the way you act makes him feel?" Soun said with some disappointment, but an undeniable firmness rarely ever seen in him.

To say Akane was angry was an understatement. However she was ashamed as well and unnerved that her father had scolded her so. He hadn't done that since her mother had passed. Still though, she was angry.

"Me? What about the way he treats me? I don't purposely try and be mean to him. Besides, I don't know why he's so moody lately. It surely doesn't have anything to do with me." She retorted rebelliously.

"It ever occur to you Akane that he only treats you bad when you've been mean to him first?" Nabiki pointed out.

"What! What are you talking about? I do not! Why would I purposely be mean to that jerk? Why are you sticking up for the baka for anyway?" she turned on her sister.

"I'm not, I'm simply pointing out a fact." She replied monotonously.

Akane steamed, "Whatever. I don't care what's wrong with that baka."

As Akane got up to leave Nabiki stopped her.

"Akane, can I talk to you in a few minutes in my room? We have a few things to discuss." Nabiki asked sounding more like a demand.

"hmmph, whatever." Akane asked running up the stairs screaming at herself internally for the way she acted.

Nabiki clicked off the tape recorder under the table and rested her face in her hands in contemplation. No one paid attention to Soun who's eyes had watered slightly but no tears had ever fallen. He stood and headed toward the dojo without a word. Genma watched him go listlessly, his body seemingly not wishing to move. _Was everything catching up to Ranma emotionally? He wouldn't do anything stupid though. He's too stubborn to ever give up on anything. Quite an ego on that boy, and deserved so too._ Resolved in his thinking, Genma rose to see what Tendo was doing.

Ranma lay on the roof curled on his side staring blankly ahead. Ranma had been doing some serious thinking these past few days. The situation his pop got him into was destroying any hope of a happy life. Ranma admitted some fault of his own for everything, but knew the others never helped matters. There was Nabiki's scheming, the parents plotting, Akane's temper, Shampoo's persistence and underhanded ways, Ukyou feeling as if she had no choice, Mousse, Kuno, Ryouga, and so many others attacking him and kidnapping Akane for their own gains or to trap Ranma as they realize that he'll protect her with his life but can't get it through their heads what that means.

Kasumi and Tofu tried to be helpful, but with so many others not being so, their effort was mute. Ranma could not get married; no one would let him, except the fathers. That fact was proven time and time again with failed wedding attempts. He couldn't just tell any of the suitors off or they would just attack Akane or do something else equally stupid and futile. His suitors' suitors can't get it through their heads that he doesn't want their girls so therefore, he can't get them to help.

His own mother seems deluded into not thinking there's any real problem. Heck, she probably would like it if he married every one of them, if it were possible, not that he would. They'd kill each other first off and secondly, he didn't want all of them. He just wanted Akane, unbelievably so, but it was her he was ultimately attracted to and just as equally abused by. He wished she would understand, would listen to him, and wouldn't get upset so much.

He could not see being with Akane now. Akane refused to grow up and continued to hurt those around her, perhaps in fear of getting hurt herself. He couldn't run away, they would just follow him and with Nabiki's help would find him too. So, what was the point of living on? Surviving to keep Akane alive? Wouldn't she not be a target if he was no longer?

Again his mind returned to the depressing thoughts that had slowly crept into his brain and plagued him, growing stronger everyday, with every encounter and incident that occurred. He knew where the tanto was and that it would work. He was sure he could without being interrupted; after all it only took a few seconds. _No, it's wrong, there has to be another way._ As much as Ranma tried to assure himself, he was failing and he knew it.

He heard Akane's soft voice lilting from her window, calling his name. He didn't answer her and eventually her light turned off as she went to bed. He felt cold, wet stray tears race down his cheeks. He half heartedly brushed them away before climbing down and returning to his futon for a restless sleep as had been the ritual the past few days.

Days turned into weeks and Ranma had not changed. In fact, he seemed to get worse, more depressed and everyone seemed to notice. Not even Ryouga was ever this depressed. Most were nervous and unsure what to do so they tried to act like everything was normal. Ukyou and Shampoo tried to be more affectionate to him which only made things worse. Kuno was only beginning to get an inkling that something was off about Saotome.

Kasumi on the other hand had consulted Dr. Tofu and the two of them grew very worried. Though, in their heads the thoughts and images of the confident, unbeatable martial artist persisted making it hard to believe. The students at school left him alone and slowly, so did the others, though they visited the dojou to ask what was wrong and how they could help. The girls blamed Akane and Akane got angry at them. Ranma did not defend Akane but simply walked to the dojou, ignoring the arguing girls. They noticed and grew worried but were sure everything would be okay in time, after all this was Ranma.

Ranma sat in the dojou, looking less than the very fit and god-like martial artist he used to appear to be. He was not as healthy and worked out little anymore. He has circles under his eyes. All was not well with the wild horse.

Once more, thoughts of what he now felt was a sure way to fix everything, though some of that were probably twisted thoughts due to malnutrition and depression. If he used his tanto, then he would not dishonor any of the suitors. Their suitors could rightly try for them with him out of the picture. The Tendos would not be plagued with all the people and creatures after him, disrupting their lives and costing them money they didn't have. Nabiki would be able to start saving money up again that they probably really needed. Perhaps Genma would realize his failures and try to atone for them somehow. Maybe Tofu and Kasumi would finally get together, realizing life's shortness and to seize the day. Akane would realize her wrongdoings and hopefully grow up finally because of his leaving. Maybe even Kuno would feel regret and perhaps Kodachi would decide that it was unbecoming of her to chase after someone willing to do something so dishonorable. Happosai would lose what he hoped to be his heir and would hopefully feel his age. His mother… maybe she would leave his father and have a happier life, maybe with Soun so the girls can have a mom again. _After all, I don't deserver a mother. So why don't I do it already?_

Anyone who cared would know that Ranma was quite far gone now. He felt his eyes sting and let the tears come as he fell to the side, curled up in the center of the dojou. He started silently sobbing, his shoulders shaking. _So, it's come to this? All the training all my life and everything I've been through and this is how it needs to end? It was worthless, pointless training to prepare me to have the courage to end it all. I'm worthless…_

He cried there, lost in his despair, oblivious to the young woman who walked to the door and looked in. Her eyes widened at seeing the boy in such distress. She had been coming to inform him that dinner was ready. She knew now that Tofu and her had been too confident that Ranma would beat whatever was ailing him. She brought a hand to her mouth, a stuttering gasp leaving her mouth before she hesitantly tried to speak.

"R-ranma-kun," no sooner did she finish saying his name did he jump up and run past her out of the dojou and into the house.

Kasumi hurried in the house but she did not know where he ran. Akane walked in and noticed the disturbed, frightened look on her sister's face that had never been there before.

"Onee-san, what's wrong?" Akane asked worried.

"Oh, Akane, it's Ranma, he-he was crying in the dojou. He ran in the house when I came to say that dinner is ready." Kasumi shakily spoke, near tears herself.

Akane ran throughout the house, and upon hearing water running, ran into the furo all the while the thought of Ranma crying openly, as a guy even, meant something terrible was wrong and it tore at her heart. It was there that she found Ranma, as a guy, sitting with his knees pulled to his chest and his head down, sobbing uncontrollably next to where the water was running. Without a second thought she swept him into her arms and cradled him. He lay there listlessly, not willing to fight, as well as too weak to break her strong grasp. He did give a futile attempt to push her away when his tears had lessened some.

"R-Ranma, what's wrong? Tell me what I can do. Please, let me help you." She pleaded almost in tears herself loosening her grip enough to let him lean back against the wall.

He cradled his legs again and looked at the floor.

"You can't. No one can. There's nothing you can do." He rasped lowly.

"What do you mean? What happened to you Ranma? Where's the egotistical jerk I used to know?" Akane tried again with a bit of force this time.

"He died," Ranma replied and then more softly, "and so will I soon."

"What! Ranma you're not making any sense." Akane begun to get frustrated.

"It'll be over soon anyway and you won't have to try and understand what you refuse to comprehend anymore. So, just go on with you life and let me disappear quietly. I'll… I'll do it somewhere else, so the house doesn't get stained…" Ranma replied and grew quieter as he spoke, barely audible at the end.

"R-Ranma! You can't be thinking of… Ranma, no! You can't do that! You can't leave me! What's wrong with you? You have to stay! There's no reason to do that." Akane shed a few tears as she spoke.

"No reason! How about my whole life? Is that reason enough? I can never, never, ever have a happy life, I can't honorably get out of any of the engagements, people are always after you to get to me causing the Tendos a tremendous amount of trouble, everyone's always beating up on me, putting me down, no one listens to me, I'm blamed for everything, and you hate me, you never listen, you never fucking understand anything and twist everything into being my fault and into being something perverted. Well, guess what Akane, you're the only one thinking whatever perverted things you think of that causes you to hit me for no reason so YOU ARE THE PERVERTED ONE A-KA-NE!" Ranma went off his eyes growing dark and devoid of life.

Akane was crying but through the part of her that insisted he was making fun of her and being a jerk, something small tickled in her brain screaming to be heard, that he was telling the truth and though faintly, she heard it for the first time since she was a child. She needed to stop thinking bad things about everybody just because she didn't understand. The last part sunk in and Akane started crying more and shaking a little bit.

"Maybe you're right Ranma, but that's still no reason to kill yourself!" Akane started and then quieted, "Give it a little longer, everything will get better, you'll see. Killing yourself will only hurt everybody, can't you see that? I- I care for you a lot Ranma; I don't want to think of what I would do if you d-died. Just give it a little while Ranma, please." Akane was weeping now.

_I shouldn't have told her. I could have been done with it without anyone knowing. So, she likes me, keh, funny way of showing it. A week, I doubt it will change anything but maybe it will help her to see the futility of it all, make her understand, either way I die, I see no other way._ Those thoughts went through Ranma's head, but there was the faintest of change in the darkness in his eyes. _It might be interesting to see how she tries to fix the unfixable._ He thought with a mental smirk.

"I'll wait a week, but I doubt you'll succeed." Ranma replied tonelessly.

"You'll see Ranma, everything will get better." Akane said adamantly already trying to think of what to try first.

She hugged Ranma and kissed his cheek before standing.

"Come on Ranma, I believe dinner is ready." She spoke again.

"I'm not hungry." Ranma replied in the same monotone.

"Nonsense, go to your room then and I'll bring our meal up there, but you must eat or you'll end up looking like Gosunki." Akane said determined.

Ranma nodded and headed out as Akane rushed downstairs. No sooner did he sit down on his futon did she return with a full tray of food. She ate some and forced him to eat as much as he could. His digestive system wasn't as it should be from lack of eating so he couldn't eat as much as usual anyway. He lay down afterwards and refused to move. She gathered the tray and remains left before bending down and laying a soft, loving kiss to his cheek.

"I'll win this battle for you this time, Ranma." She whispered before leaving.

His eyes softened for a moment. He brought his hand to his heart and felt it beating. He wanted to cry but was all cried out. He closed his eyes and sleep took him sooner than he thought, though it was a troubled sleep.


	2. Chapter 2partial chapter

A/N: I have just recently gotten over a very long writers block. I have not abandoned any of my stories. I have this story planned out, it's just figuring out how to write it well. I still haven't quite, but here's tidbit for all those waiting. I'll probably rewrite parts of this. I've several other ideas I may eventually post for stories. For those who are wondering, this particular story I wrote, or tried to write, the characters more like they'd be if they were real people in the real world, or a more realistic one anyway.

The next morning Akane awoke unsteadily. She yearned to believe that yesterday was only a dream. She crept out of bed and down the hall to peer in on Ranma's sleeping form. He was near motionless, causing Akane's heart to stop momentarily in fear until she saw the slight indications of breathing, chest raising and lowering slowly, nostrils flaring slightly with each breath.

She sighed and turned around and started getting ready for the morning. When she went downstairs to go to the furo she asked Kasumi to let Ranma stay home today. Kasumi agreed and asked if she should called Tofu, but Akane said no, not yet anyway. Akane didn't think Ranma would appreciate having his psyche tested. She feared it might push him over the edge, despite his promise.

Akane was eating slowly, being ready for school early, trying to fathom what could be done. Nabiki sat down a moment later and pointedly stared at Akane.

"Huh? What is it Nabiki?" Akane asked, finally noticing.

"You forget something? You were suppose to see me after dinner yesterday."

"Oh! I'm sorry, Nabiki, I was... dealing with Ranma. What was it you wanted to see me about?" Akane asked.

"I don't want to be late to school, so we'll have this discussion after school." Nabiki responded in a tone that left no room for argument. "Shouldn't you be waking Ranma about now?" Nabiki asked after a moment.

"No, Ranma's staying home today, Nabiki." Kasumi spoke sitting down after setting the father's food down.

Nabiki thought about that a moment before nodding slightly and starting on her breakfast.


End file.
